Here's to a Decade!!!

A decade. 10 years. 120 months. 3650 days. 87,658 hours. That is about how much time I've passed through since I graduated from high school. Earlier, I was standing outside on my balcony and the thought occurred to me: My eyes have seen a lot in the last ten years.

Let's see. The year is 2000. Turn of the millennium. I graduate from high school. I am dating the person whom I think I am going to marry. I have my whole future figured out and it is going to be perfect. Go to college, graduate, get a good job, get married, have kids and start the cycle over for them. Ha. Little do I know, God has other plans for me, plans I would have never thought possible in that 18 year old mind.

Everything is going along like I had hoped. I'm living my Chris's parents and going to school. One morning, in September 2001, turn on the news and see buildings in NYC burning. The newscasters are not sure what is going on. While I’m sitting in Chris’s room, on the edge of his bed, watching the tv screen, a plane flies in and hits another building. For the first time in my life, I hear the name that I will continue to hear for the next 9 years: Osama Bin Laden.

More time passes. We move into our own place. I’m going to school. Things are continuing along the path I laid out for myself. But something is wrong. There is this deep aching in my soul for something more. This voice in my heart is always calling out, “Is this it? Is this going to be your life forever? Going through the motions, but not knowing why?” I have to ignore it, push it away. There is no room for those questions in my life.

A couple of years have passed. It’s 2003. I’ve been at Wright State for two years now. I decided to study accounting, because it seemed like the best bet to secure my future. Things with Chris and I are starting to fall apart. We are not communicating anymore. Our paths are starting to diverge. Neither one of us is happy, but both are too scared to tell the other, so we keep living our lives in secret misery. Both wanting something else, but not knowing what that ‘something’ is.

It’s Tuesday and my second day of my junior year at Wright State. It’s an important year because I’m starting my junior level accounting classes. After two years at WSU, I’ve become obsessed with school and 4.0’s. My life is centered on books and studying. I’ve been working at Wright Patt Credit union now since 2000. I work part time, about 20 to 25 hours a week. My cell rings, it’s about 7am. I ignore it. I don’t think any good news can come so early. I roll back over. It rings again. Ignore. Ten minutes later, someone is knocking on the door. I look out the peep hole. There is my Aunt Angie and my grandpa. Hmmm....They come in and tell me that my mom is dead. Not sick, not on life support, just dead. Shot in the head and died instantly.

The next week or so I am consumed with grief, picking out a plot and casket, packing my mom’s apartment, talking to detectives, crying, praying, nightmares and more crying. After the funeral, I recede into the depths of my mind and stay there for the next three months. I decided I hate God. I hate happy people. I hate anything that brings people happiness. I stay in bed and feel sorry for myself and my poor dead mother.

About five months have passed, along with Christmas and the New Year. It’s February 2004. I started back to school in January, after taking a quarter off. I’m feeling better, but I still have anxiety attacks when anyone mentions moms or guns. School is going well. I finally start hanging out with friends from school. Valentines day has just passed. I find out Chris is cheating on me. More tears, yelling, tears. He moves out. I study harder. I meet new people at school. I realize that I can have a life, a good life, by myself. I didn’t need him after all. Hmmm...this is pretty cool.

Now it’s May 2005. I’m getting ready to graduate from college. I have a great job. Great friends. I’m FINALLY moving out of Fairborn in August. I’m moving to Las Vegas for work. Three friends are moving with me, life is great!!! One month before I move to Vegas, I get another phone call bearing bad news. Chris is dead. He overdosed. Holy crap. More depression, drinking, crying...

I keep going and I move to Vegas. Time to leave these horrible memories of death behind me. Vegas is great. I work for the audit agency for awhile and then for a company as a financial analyst. The money is good, but something is still missing, that voice is still calling out, "Is this what it's really about? Money? Is that what makes you happy?".Ignore. I start working at Blondies with Court and Jame. No more cubicles and 8 to 5s. After about a year of beer pong and poker, trips to Los Angeles and clubs and beaches and pool parties, it’s time for a change.

It's 2007. I’m in South Korea. Teaching English. This place is awesome: new culture, new food, new language, new people, new job. I’m in love with Asia. Living in Korea, I feel like this is what I’m supposed to be doing. I take a few trips, to Japan and Thailand. I’m finally listening to that voice that I shut away 7 years ago.

Now: It’s 2010. I’m in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. I haven’t been here long, but so far, I love it too. I’m teaching 3rd graders. They are so cute. While I’m in Cambodia, I will travel to Laos and Vietnam, and I don’t know where else. I will get to know Cambodia. I will get to know Kendra a little more. Most importantly: I will keep listening to my heart, listening to the one I shut away so many years ago...listening to God.