Paulo Coelho said in a blog post in February of this year, "Join those who sing, tell stories, enjoy life and have happiness in their eyes. Because happiness is contagious and always manages to keep people from being paralyzed by depression, loneliness and troubles."
Whether it be genetic, a product of the environmental factors surrounding my early childhood years (heck, the late years as well, who am I kidding), destiny, fate, or how ever you would like to classify it and wrap it up in a box with a ribbon on top, the fact remains is that it is just not easy for me to have a postive view on this world or the things in it. Well, that is to say, until now...
We always want to blame others for our misgivings(I say 'We' not by literary accident, I'm talking about me, as well as YOU). Just as it is easier to swim with the current, it is also easier to point out others mistakes, instead of taking the interspective route and looking at ourselves. However, we must be careful when swimming with the current, it might seem easier at the moment, but eventually it will take you down with it.
For this next year, 2011, I am going to be one of the happy people that bring happiness to others, not the other way around. I think the first step for me to accomplish this goal is to stop blaming my mom, my family, the government, society, friends, the garbageman, the postman, the grumpy old man on the subway and life in general for my own faults.
Who knows, I might just end up being one of "those who sing, tell stories,[and] enjoy life and have happiness in their eyes."
Moral: Look Inside Yourself, Don't Judge, Carry Happiness in Your Eyes
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Musical Chairs for Adults
I can literally fold, roll, smash, or crumple all of my material objects into one large suitcase and one small suitcase; throw a few things in a backpack, and that's my packing. I can do it under two hours, if needed.
You see, many people get a false sense of security through concrete objects. Things they can touch, feel, smell, admire, and all those verbs that keep people satisfied for the moment, that tell them their life is going in the right direction and all is safe and sound.
So, basically, we can divide all of the 7 billion (give or take a mill) people that we currently share this earth with into two groups: the 'haves' and the 'have nots'. And, it seems that this is how the world has worked since the beginning of civilization. Let's go back a few years, relatively speaking, to ancient Egypt. The 'haves' exploited the 'have nots' to death, literally. Who do you think built all those pyramids? You think Pharoh was out there carrying bricks and breaking a sweat? Hells no he wasn't, he was chillin' in the palace with grapes and women and who knows what, while the 'have nots' were out there working their butts off.
Ok, so what about today? Well, let's take my lovely neighboring country, North Korea. I mean,seriously? Come on you heartless bastard, Kim Jong Il. This asshole (sorry) is literally starving his country to death. These people get no nurishment, and they are brainwashed since birth to worship this flagrent, digenerate dictator, as some kind of god. And what about KJI? You better believe he has his rice and kimchi three times a day. This guy is a modern day Hitler. And you wonder how Hitler was able to kill so many people? You wonder why it took so long for anything to be done about it? Well, your answer lies in politics. But that's a story for another day...
Back to the point. The world is divided into people that 'have stuff' and the people that don't. This division is ancient. However, I'm quite tired of people telling me what I NEED to do or what I NEED to have. I say, if you have food to eat, a place to sleep and clothes to wear, then you are doing okay for yourself. I don't think the value of those things are important.
Let me clarify: there is nothing wrong with trying to make a better life for yourself and your family. Honestly, living with two suitcases is not easy. It's not a life that most people could handle; but in this world where materialism is the new god, you have got to check yourself everyday. Make sure you are not being driven by the invisable forces that tell you need more, more, more to be happy, happy, happy. Try less, less, less until you are left with just yourself, then see how happy you really are.
As for me, well, my suitcases and I have seen better days, but I don't plan on buying another suitcase until I'm happy with the ones I've got.
You see, many people get a false sense of security through concrete objects. Things they can touch, feel, smell, admire, and all those verbs that keep people satisfied for the moment, that tell them their life is going in the right direction and all is safe and sound.
So, basically, we can divide all of the 7 billion (give or take a mill) people that we currently share this earth with into two groups: the 'haves' and the 'have nots'. And, it seems that this is how the world has worked since the beginning of civilization. Let's go back a few years, relatively speaking, to ancient Egypt. The 'haves' exploited the 'have nots' to death, literally. Who do you think built all those pyramids? You think Pharoh was out there carrying bricks and breaking a sweat? Hells no he wasn't, he was chillin' in the palace with grapes and women and who knows what, while the 'have nots' were out there working their butts off.
Ok, so what about today? Well, let's take my lovely neighboring country, North Korea. I mean,seriously? Come on you heartless bastard, Kim Jong Il. This asshole (sorry) is literally starving his country to death. These people get no nurishment, and they are brainwashed since birth to worship this flagrent, digenerate dictator, as some kind of god. And what about KJI? You better believe he has his rice and kimchi three times a day. This guy is a modern day Hitler. And you wonder how Hitler was able to kill so many people? You wonder why it took so long for anything to be done about it? Well, your answer lies in politics. But that's a story for another day...
Back to the point. The world is divided into people that 'have stuff' and the people that don't. This division is ancient. However, I'm quite tired of people telling me what I NEED to do or what I NEED to have. I say, if you have food to eat, a place to sleep and clothes to wear, then you are doing okay for yourself. I don't think the value of those things are important.
Let me clarify: there is nothing wrong with trying to make a better life for yourself and your family. Honestly, living with two suitcases is not easy. It's not a life that most people could handle; but in this world where materialism is the new god, you have got to check yourself everyday. Make sure you are not being driven by the invisable forces that tell you need more, more, more to be happy, happy, happy. Try less, less, less until you are left with just yourself, then see how happy you really are.
As for me, well, my suitcases and I have seen better days, but I don't plan on buying another suitcase until I'm happy with the ones I've got.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
What’s Your Exit Strategy?
Any good portfolio manager knows the importance of having a sound exit strategy. In the world of finance, each investor has their own limits as to when they see it as time to sell their investment. Ideally, we would like to buy at the right time and sell at the right time, in order to minimize our losses and hopefully make a profit. However, it seems that not everyone can sell as easily as they buy, both in the finance world, and in our own personal world.
I sometimes analyze my decisions with a financial twist. I know, that sounds a little weird, but what I mean to say is that, I have taken this idea of knowing when to get out of an investment, and I have carried that idea over to one major aspect of all of our lives—relationships. When you buy a stock, you can set limits on how long you will hold on to it. For example, you can say “Ok, if the stock loses 10% of its original value, sell.” I think that when we get into a relationship, we also have these ideas in our head of what we will and will not endure, and we also have them for other people’s relationships. Like, “Oh, no way! I would never put up with that!” or “She is so stupid to be with that guy!” For some people it’s quite easy, they aren’t happy with their ‘investment’ so they get out, “You know, it’s been real fun, but it’s just not working for me.” or “I hope you find the right person for you, but it’s just not me.”
However, it seems like the longer you invest in a person (when it comes to relationships, our investment comes in way of time, energy, feelings, emotions, and, usually in my case, money as well....), the harder it is to know if/when to get out. This is when self worth walks into the door and starts screaming in your face. There must be a point that we, as human beings, know what we are worth, what we will take, and what we will not take. I think that when you realize that you are compromising any of these parts of you life, it’s time to SELL SELL SELL and get out of dodge before you forget who you are...(I can say this because I struggle with this myself.)
Now, I want to take this idea one step further, past relationships. I came to Cambodia thinking I would adjust just as quickly and easily as I did in Korea. The initial week or so, I spent taking it all in. However, little by little I was seeing my sense of freedom being replaced with fear and paranoia. Praying for my life on the back of motorbikes, carrying money in my bra so my purse doesn’t get ripped off my shoulder (usually the same time as I am praying for my life on the motorbike), being home before the sun sets so I don’t get mugged. I realized that there are many things I can do in this world and doesn’t include my freedom being stripped away. Where fear and crime thrive, there is no freedom. With that being said, I have decided it is time for me to get out of this investment, while I am still able to. Cambodia is not the place for this Ohio girl.
Let’s face girl, a girl has to know her limits—when it comes to stocks, relationships and freedoms.
I sometimes analyze my decisions with a financial twist. I know, that sounds a little weird, but what I mean to say is that, I have taken this idea of knowing when to get out of an investment, and I have carried that idea over to one major aspect of all of our lives—relationships. When you buy a stock, you can set limits on how long you will hold on to it. For example, you can say “Ok, if the stock loses 10% of its original value, sell.” I think that when we get into a relationship, we also have these ideas in our head of what we will and will not endure, and we also have them for other people’s relationships. Like, “Oh, no way! I would never put up with that!” or “She is so stupid to be with that guy!” For some people it’s quite easy, they aren’t happy with their ‘investment’ so they get out, “You know, it’s been real fun, but it’s just not working for me.” or “I hope you find the right person for you, but it’s just not me.”
However, it seems like the longer you invest in a person (when it comes to relationships, our investment comes in way of time, energy, feelings, emotions, and, usually in my case, money as well....), the harder it is to know if/when to get out. This is when self worth walks into the door and starts screaming in your face. There must be a point that we, as human beings, know what we are worth, what we will take, and what we will not take. I think that when you realize that you are compromising any of these parts of you life, it’s time to SELL SELL SELL and get out of dodge before you forget who you are...(I can say this because I struggle with this myself.)
Now, I want to take this idea one step further, past relationships. I came to Cambodia thinking I would adjust just as quickly and easily as I did in Korea. The initial week or so, I spent taking it all in. However, little by little I was seeing my sense of freedom being replaced with fear and paranoia. Praying for my life on the back of motorbikes, carrying money in my bra so my purse doesn’t get ripped off my shoulder (usually the same time as I am praying for my life on the motorbike), being home before the sun sets so I don’t get mugged. I realized that there are many things I can do in this world and doesn’t include my freedom being stripped away. Where fear and crime thrive, there is no freedom. With that being said, I have decided it is time for me to get out of this investment, while I am still able to. Cambodia is not the place for this Ohio girl.
Let’s face girl, a girl has to know her limits—when it comes to stocks, relationships and freedoms.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
One Can of Sugar Cane Juice, Please.
I'm off of work for a week because of the Khmer New Year. I've used my extra time to get to know my new city.
I went to the Soraya Mall. It's about 6 or 7 floors of madness. You know those clothes you are wearing right now? Well, there is a high chance that if you bought them from Gap, A&F, or AE they were sewn together right here in Cambodia (your average worker makes about $60 - $100 a month). Some of those clothes make it to the markets and stores here, for about 10% of what you 'rich' Americans pay for them at home. Clothes, purses, shoes, watches, dvd's, electronics, fake i-pods...The list goes on and on. Needless to say, I'm pretty excited to do Christmas shopping this year!
From there I hitched a ride on the back of a motorbike to the riverside. Side note on the moto drivers: I found a way not to get ripped off---just give them what I think is fair for the ride and walk away before they can say anything. It takes some getting use to, but I think I got the distance:cost ratio figured out. Anyway, I walked around the area located along the Tonle Sap River. Lots of backpackers hang out there. I found a place called Rivside Bistro, on St.148, to relax with a view of the river. Had some iced-coffee, water and a glass of wine for $7.25. A little expensive, but we gotta splurge sometimes, right?
During my walk, I saw an elephant. Tourist were feeding it fruit. I'm sure they paid a pretty penny for that once-in-a-life-time-animal exploitation. Later, the owner of the elephant passed me on the street. Leading his pet down the road to find some more elephant loving tourists that have always dreamed of feeding an elephant fruit on the side of the road in Phnom Penh. I mean, haven't we all had that dream at least once in our lives?
Today I went to the Russian Market, but it was closed for the New Year, so I had my tuk-tuk driver take me to Wat Phnom. There were some celebrations going on there for the New Year. I watched for awhile while this guy played drums on two or three plastic containers, turned over, and people danced. It was fun and they were having a good time. I walked over to the river again, and found a place to grab some lunch/dinner. While I was eating, I absent-mindedly looked to my right at the building next door and I saw a mother chimpanzee (some kind of monkey-like animal, I think it was a chimpanzee) and her three babies walking along the second floor rooftop. Hmmm...
Oh. The best part of all was when I ate an early lunch at a place called Mando. I was looking at the menu. It had pictures of food, then the Khmei word and then the English translation. Picture: Can of Coke. English translation: Sugar cane juice. Geez, when you put it that way, give me 2 cans!!!
I went to the Soraya Mall. It's about 6 or 7 floors of madness. You know those clothes you are wearing right now? Well, there is a high chance that if you bought them from Gap, A&F, or AE they were sewn together right here in Cambodia (your average worker makes about $60 - $100 a month). Some of those clothes make it to the markets and stores here, for about 10% of what you 'rich' Americans pay for them at home. Clothes, purses, shoes, watches, dvd's, electronics, fake i-pods...The list goes on and on. Needless to say, I'm pretty excited to do Christmas shopping this year!
From there I hitched a ride on the back of a motorbike to the riverside. Side note on the moto drivers: I found a way not to get ripped off---just give them what I think is fair for the ride and walk away before they can say anything. It takes some getting use to, but I think I got the distance:cost ratio figured out. Anyway, I walked around the area located along the Tonle Sap River. Lots of backpackers hang out there. I found a place called Rivside Bistro, on St.148, to relax with a view of the river. Had some iced-coffee, water and a glass of wine for $7.25. A little expensive, but we gotta splurge sometimes, right?
During my walk, I saw an elephant. Tourist were feeding it fruit. I'm sure they paid a pretty penny for that once-in-a-life-time-animal exploitation. Later, the owner of the elephant passed me on the street. Leading his pet down the road to find some more elephant loving tourists that have always dreamed of feeding an elephant fruit on the side of the road in Phnom Penh. I mean, haven't we all had that dream at least once in our lives?
Today I went to the Russian Market, but it was closed for the New Year, so I had my tuk-tuk driver take me to Wat Phnom. There were some celebrations going on there for the New Year. I watched for awhile while this guy played drums on two or three plastic containers, turned over, and people danced. It was fun and they were having a good time. I walked over to the river again, and found a place to grab some lunch/dinner. While I was eating, I absent-mindedly looked to my right at the building next door and I saw a mother chimpanzee (some kind of monkey-like animal, I think it was a chimpanzee) and her three babies walking along the second floor rooftop. Hmmm...
Oh. The best part of all was when I ate an early lunch at a place called Mando. I was looking at the menu. It had pictures of food, then the Khmei word and then the English translation. Picture: Can of Coke. English translation: Sugar cane juice. Geez, when you put it that way, give me 2 cans!!!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Here's to a Decade!!!
A decade. 10 years. 120 months. 3650 days. 87,658 hours. That is about how much time I've passed through since I graduated from high school. Earlier, I was standing outside on my balcony and the thought occurred to me: My eyes have seen a lot in the last ten years.
Let's see. The year is 2000. Turn of the millennium. I graduate from high school. I am dating the person whom I think I am going to marry. I have my whole future figured out and it is going to be perfect. Go to college, graduate, get a good job, get married, have kids and start the cycle over for them. Ha. Little do I know, God has other plans for me, plans I would have never thought possible in that 18 year old mind.
Everything is going along like I had hoped. I'm living my Chris's parents and going to school. One morning, in September 2001, turn on the news and see buildings in NYC burning. The newscasters are not sure what is going on. While I’m sitting in Chris’s room, on the edge of his bed, watching the tv screen, a plane flies in and hits another building. For the first time in my life, I hear the name that I will continue to hear for the next 9 years: Osama Bin Laden.
More time passes. We move into our own place. I’m going to school. Things are continuing along the path I laid out for myself. But something is wrong. There is this deep aching in my soul for something more. This voice in my heart is always calling out, “Is this it? Is this going to be your life forever? Going through the motions, but not knowing why?” I have to ignore it, push it away. There is no room for those questions in my life.
A couple of years have passed. It’s 2003. I’ve been at Wright State for two years now. I decided to study accounting, because it seemed like the best bet to secure my future. Things with Chris and I are starting to fall apart. We are not communicating anymore. Our paths are starting to diverge. Neither one of us is happy, but both are too scared to tell the other, so we keep living our lives in secret misery. Both wanting something else, but not knowing what that ‘something’ is.
It’s Tuesday and my second day of my junior year at Wright State. It’s an important year because I’m starting my junior level accounting classes. After two years at WSU, I’ve become obsessed with school and 4.0’s. My life is centered on books and studying. I’ve been working at Wright Patt Credit union now since 2000. I work part time, about 20 to 25 hours a week. My cell rings, it’s about 7am. I ignore it. I don’t think any good news can come so early. I roll back over. It rings again. Ignore. Ten minutes later, someone is knocking on the door. I look out the peep hole. There is my Aunt Angie and my grandpa. Hmmm....They come in and tell me that my mom is dead. Not sick, not on life support, just dead. Shot in the head and died instantly.
The next week or so I am consumed with grief, picking out a plot and casket, packing my mom’s apartment, talking to detectives, crying, praying, nightmares and more crying. After the funeral, I recede into the depths of my mind and stay there for the next three months. I decided I hate God. I hate happy people. I hate anything that brings people happiness. I stay in bed and feel sorry for myself and my poor dead mother.
About five months have passed, along with Christmas and the New Year. It’s February 2004. I started back to school in January, after taking a quarter off. I’m feeling better, but I still have anxiety attacks when anyone mentions moms or guns. School is going well. I finally start hanging out with friends from school. Valentines day has just passed. I find out Chris is cheating on me. More tears, yelling, tears. He moves out. I study harder. I meet new people at school. I realize that I can have a life, a good life, by myself. I didn’t need him after all. Hmmm...this is pretty cool.
Now it’s May 2005. I’m getting ready to graduate from college. I have a great job. Great friends. I’m FINALLY moving out of Fairborn in August. I’m moving to Las Vegas for work. Three friends are moving with me, life is great!!! One month before I move to Vegas, I get another phone call bearing bad news. Chris is dead. He overdosed. Holy crap. More depression, drinking, crying...
I keep going and I move to Vegas. Time to leave these horrible memories of death behind me. Vegas is great. I work for the audit agency for awhile and then for a company as a financial analyst. The money is good, but something is still missing, that voice is still calling out, "Is this what it's really about? Money? Is that what makes you happy?".Ignore. I start working at Blondies with Court and Jame. No more cubicles and 8 to 5s. After about a year of beer pong and poker, trips to Los Angeles and clubs and beaches and pool parties, it’s time for a change.
It's 2007. I’m in South Korea. Teaching English. This place is awesome: new culture, new food, new language, new people, new job. I’m in love with Asia. Living in Korea, I feel like this is what I’m supposed to be doing. I take a few trips, to Japan and Thailand. I’m finally listening to that voice that I shut away 7 years ago.
Now: It’s 2010. I’m in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. I haven’t been here long, but so far, I love it too. I’m teaching 3rd graders. They are so cute. While I’m in Cambodia, I will travel to Laos and Vietnam, and I don’t know where else. I will get to know Cambodia. I will get to know Kendra a little more. Most importantly: I will keep listening to my heart, listening to the one I shut away so many years ago...listening to God.
Let's see. The year is 2000. Turn of the millennium. I graduate from high school. I am dating the person whom I think I am going to marry. I have my whole future figured out and it is going to be perfect. Go to college, graduate, get a good job, get married, have kids and start the cycle over for them. Ha. Little do I know, God has other plans for me, plans I would have never thought possible in that 18 year old mind.
Everything is going along like I had hoped. I'm living my Chris's parents and going to school. One morning, in September 2001, turn on the news and see buildings in NYC burning. The newscasters are not sure what is going on. While I’m sitting in Chris’s room, on the edge of his bed, watching the tv screen, a plane flies in and hits another building. For the first time in my life, I hear the name that I will continue to hear for the next 9 years: Osama Bin Laden.
More time passes. We move into our own place. I’m going to school. Things are continuing along the path I laid out for myself. But something is wrong. There is this deep aching in my soul for something more. This voice in my heart is always calling out, “Is this it? Is this going to be your life forever? Going through the motions, but not knowing why?” I have to ignore it, push it away. There is no room for those questions in my life.
A couple of years have passed. It’s 2003. I’ve been at Wright State for two years now. I decided to study accounting, because it seemed like the best bet to secure my future. Things with Chris and I are starting to fall apart. We are not communicating anymore. Our paths are starting to diverge. Neither one of us is happy, but both are too scared to tell the other, so we keep living our lives in secret misery. Both wanting something else, but not knowing what that ‘something’ is.
It’s Tuesday and my second day of my junior year at Wright State. It’s an important year because I’m starting my junior level accounting classes. After two years at WSU, I’ve become obsessed with school and 4.0’s. My life is centered on books and studying. I’ve been working at Wright Patt Credit union now since 2000. I work part time, about 20 to 25 hours a week. My cell rings, it’s about 7am. I ignore it. I don’t think any good news can come so early. I roll back over. It rings again. Ignore. Ten minutes later, someone is knocking on the door. I look out the peep hole. There is my Aunt Angie and my grandpa. Hmmm....They come in and tell me that my mom is dead. Not sick, not on life support, just dead. Shot in the head and died instantly.
The next week or so I am consumed with grief, picking out a plot and casket, packing my mom’s apartment, talking to detectives, crying, praying, nightmares and more crying. After the funeral, I recede into the depths of my mind and stay there for the next three months. I decided I hate God. I hate happy people. I hate anything that brings people happiness. I stay in bed and feel sorry for myself and my poor dead mother.
About five months have passed, along with Christmas and the New Year. It’s February 2004. I started back to school in January, after taking a quarter off. I’m feeling better, but I still have anxiety attacks when anyone mentions moms or guns. School is going well. I finally start hanging out with friends from school. Valentines day has just passed. I find out Chris is cheating on me. More tears, yelling, tears. He moves out. I study harder. I meet new people at school. I realize that I can have a life, a good life, by myself. I didn’t need him after all. Hmmm...this is pretty cool.
Now it’s May 2005. I’m getting ready to graduate from college. I have a great job. Great friends. I’m FINALLY moving out of Fairborn in August. I’m moving to Las Vegas for work. Three friends are moving with me, life is great!!! One month before I move to Vegas, I get another phone call bearing bad news. Chris is dead. He overdosed. Holy crap. More depression, drinking, crying...
I keep going and I move to Vegas. Time to leave these horrible memories of death behind me. Vegas is great. I work for the audit agency for awhile and then for a company as a financial analyst. The money is good, but something is still missing, that voice is still calling out, "Is this what it's really about? Money? Is that what makes you happy?".Ignore. I start working at Blondies with Court and Jame. No more cubicles and 8 to 5s. After about a year of beer pong and poker, trips to Los Angeles and clubs and beaches and pool parties, it’s time for a change.
It's 2007. I’m in South Korea. Teaching English. This place is awesome: new culture, new food, new language, new people, new job. I’m in love with Asia. Living in Korea, I feel like this is what I’m supposed to be doing. I take a few trips, to Japan and Thailand. I’m finally listening to that voice that I shut away 7 years ago.
Now: It’s 2010. I’m in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. I haven’t been here long, but so far, I love it too. I’m teaching 3rd graders. They are so cute. While I’m in Cambodia, I will travel to Laos and Vietnam, and I don’t know where else. I will get to know Cambodia. I will get to know Kendra a little more. Most importantly: I will keep listening to my heart, listening to the one I shut away so many years ago...listening to God.
Friday, April 9, 2010
If you were face to face with poverty, what would you say?
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about poverty. Just like anything else, it's relative to where you are, where you're from and what your given society's standards tell you that poverty is. However, as I look around my surroundings for a better understanding of every day living of the Khmer people, I start to wonder: what does being "poor" really mean and what are we supposed to do about it?
For most of my life, I thought poor was your mom getting a welfare check every month from the government, paying for groceries with food stamps and not wearing name-brand clothing from the mall. I thought going to school, using a toilet, hot water, wearing shoes and three meals a day were a given. Not in reality. I was just blessed enough to have been born in a country where most of these things are a given, even to the poorest of Americans.
Then I walk out on my balcony and look down on the street. Everyday there are several kids outside playing and riding bikes or running around. Most of them do not wear shoes, one little boy in particular never even wears clothes (although sometimes he will wear a t-shirt). I automatically feel sorry for them, but I wonder if I should. They seem happy. They play and laugh and fight just like all kids do. Is there anything I can do to help these kids have a more promising future? Or is this the life they were given? Or do they even want help? I don't know. I have no answers to these questions.
I see the old man, skin brown and leathery from years of working in the sun, pulling a cart piled high with coconuts down the busy road, barely escaping the passing motorbikes as they whiz by, and wonder: where did he come from? Is he happy? How did this man end up pulling a cart of coconuts down the road? Does he know he's poor? Or does he just accept his life and make the best of it? I don't know.
I see the woman in tattered clothes and dirty hair and no shoes, going from car to car in the middle of a busy intersection, hold her sleeping little girl in her arms, showing the daughter to each driver, hoping that someone will feel sorry and give her money. What does she think each morning when she wakes up? How did her life bring her to use her child to beg for money? Does she have hope? Or did she give up hope a long time ago?
The naked kids, the coconut man, the child and her mother: are these their destinies? Was is their destiny to be born in Cambodia and be poor and struggle everyday to survive? to live? I don't know: only God knows the answer to these questions. I do have one answer though: given the fact that I was blessed with the means and ability to help others, I will do all I can to help even just one person. To help shape the future of just one life is more than I could ever ask for. If it is their destiny to be poor, then it must be my destiny to help them. What is yours?
For most of my life, I thought poor was your mom getting a welfare check every month from the government, paying for groceries with food stamps and not wearing name-brand clothing from the mall. I thought going to school, using a toilet, hot water, wearing shoes and three meals a day were a given. Not in reality. I was just blessed enough to have been born in a country where most of these things are a given, even to the poorest of Americans.
Then I walk out on my balcony and look down on the street. Everyday there are several kids outside playing and riding bikes or running around. Most of them do not wear shoes, one little boy in particular never even wears clothes (although sometimes he will wear a t-shirt). I automatically feel sorry for them, but I wonder if I should. They seem happy. They play and laugh and fight just like all kids do. Is there anything I can do to help these kids have a more promising future? Or is this the life they were given? Or do they even want help? I don't know. I have no answers to these questions.
I see the old man, skin brown and leathery from years of working in the sun, pulling a cart piled high with coconuts down the busy road, barely escaping the passing motorbikes as they whiz by, and wonder: where did he come from? Is he happy? How did this man end up pulling a cart of coconuts down the road? Does he know he's poor? Or does he just accept his life and make the best of it? I don't know.
I see the woman in tattered clothes and dirty hair and no shoes, going from car to car in the middle of a busy intersection, hold her sleeping little girl in her arms, showing the daughter to each driver, hoping that someone will feel sorry and give her money. What does she think each morning when she wakes up? How did her life bring her to use her child to beg for money? Does she have hope? Or did she give up hope a long time ago?
The naked kids, the coconut man, the child and her mother: are these their destinies? Was is their destiny to be born in Cambodia and be poor and struggle everyday to survive? to live? I don't know: only God knows the answer to these questions. I do have one answer though: given the fact that I was blessed with the means and ability to help others, I will do all I can to help even just one person. To help shape the future of just one life is more than I could ever ask for. If it is their destiny to be poor, then it must be my destiny to help them. What is yours?
Day 3: 1 April 2010 – Thursday
I couldn’t sleep well my first night in my new place. I have two windows in my bedroom, one behind my head and one to my left. I keep the windows open at night for air, but with the curtains closed because I’ve always been paranoid of peeping toms (now I guess I would call them ‘peeping Cambodians’). I’m on the third floor, but my building is really close to its neighbors. There is a large house behind my window and every night I hear, what I can only assume to be some type of bird I’ve never encountered before, calling out, what sounds to me like, ‘buck-a-me, buck-a-me’. You can only imagine what I originally thought it was saying! I woke up at 5am and got ready and left my house at sunrise to walk down to the Star Mart (like Speedway) to get some $1 coffee; well, I opted for the $0.80 coffee, seeing my current financial situation. It took me about 20 minutes each way. Along the way I noticed how early people are out and about here. It was 6am, and already the hustle and bustle of the city was in full swing. People out sweeping the sidewalks in front of their businesses, riding bikes and motorcars to work, and drivers sitting on the side of the rode offering me a ride in their tuk-tuks (two seats, facing each other, covered top on wheels attached to the back of a motorbike) or motorbike-taxis. Of course, I always decline, because I want to walk, but I’m getting tired of saying no thank you so these days I just ignore them, mostly. I got my coffee and walked home. By this time the sun was starting to burst out of the sky and my first sweat of the day began.
I met Sonja at school at 9am. We went to the bank, ANZ (Australian bank) to open my account and then on to the embassy to register so they know I’m here, in case of emergencies or whatnot. Afterwards, she showed me how to get to the post office. Wow! The post office is HUGE! It was build during the French period, as were many of the buildings. As you are driving around the city, there is a mixture of post-war rundown buildings and French-style rundown buildings as well. Here and there, you might see some modern buildings, but I haven’t seen many yet. We drove down the riverside. Two rivers run through Phnom Penh. The Mekong, which starts in Tibet and runs through China and Laos before getting to Cambodia, runs though Phnom Penh and then reverses its course and turns upward into the Tonle Sap River. I believe it’s the only river in the world to do so. I’m planning on taking a boat ride along the river into Vietnam this summer; I think it would be majestic.
Sonja surprised me by taking me to Lucky Salon to get our hair washed and dried. At first I didn’t understand what the big deal was, but I was soon to appreciate the $7 luxury. They washed my hair/massaged my head for about 10 minutes and then sat me in the styling chair and massaged my shoulders (much to my delight) and then dried my hair and styled it. As I was sitting there I noticed some of the rich Cambodian woman around me and thought about how every country has their elite class. What I have noticed so far in Cambodia though is that the rich and the poor live side-by-side, literally. The prime minister’s mansion is just a couple of blocks away food cart owners’ and their bare-foot, sometimes naked, children’s’ habitats. It’s like moving Wright View into Twin Towers (Fairborn reference) or the Projects into Hollywood Hills.
I ended the day at Cafe Sentiment with an iced coffee and free Wi-Fi. I went home around 430pm to eat and fell asleep, exhausted, around 630pm. One fact of life I keep learning over and over again: don’t judge people’s actions because it might be you one day. I thought it funny how my grandparents go to bed at 730pm and wake at 4 or5. Now, I sleep at 6pm and wake up at 430am. By the end of the day, all of my energy has been transferred directly to the Cambodia sun.
I met Sonja at school at 9am. We went to the bank, ANZ (Australian bank) to open my account and then on to the embassy to register so they know I’m here, in case of emergencies or whatnot. Afterwards, she showed me how to get to the post office. Wow! The post office is HUGE! It was build during the French period, as were many of the buildings. As you are driving around the city, there is a mixture of post-war rundown buildings and French-style rundown buildings as well. Here and there, you might see some modern buildings, but I haven’t seen many yet. We drove down the riverside. Two rivers run through Phnom Penh. The Mekong, which starts in Tibet and runs through China and Laos before getting to Cambodia, runs though Phnom Penh and then reverses its course and turns upward into the Tonle Sap River. I believe it’s the only river in the world to do so. I’m planning on taking a boat ride along the river into Vietnam this summer; I think it would be majestic.
Sonja surprised me by taking me to Lucky Salon to get our hair washed and dried. At first I didn’t understand what the big deal was, but I was soon to appreciate the $7 luxury. They washed my hair/massaged my head for about 10 minutes and then sat me in the styling chair and massaged my shoulders (much to my delight) and then dried my hair and styled it. As I was sitting there I noticed some of the rich Cambodian woman around me and thought about how every country has their elite class. What I have noticed so far in Cambodia though is that the rich and the poor live side-by-side, literally. The prime minister’s mansion is just a couple of blocks away food cart owners’ and their bare-foot, sometimes naked, children’s’ habitats. It’s like moving Wright View into Twin Towers (Fairborn reference) or the Projects into Hollywood Hills.
I ended the day at Cafe Sentiment with an iced coffee and free Wi-Fi. I went home around 430pm to eat and fell asleep, exhausted, around 630pm. One fact of life I keep learning over and over again: don’t judge people’s actions because it might be you one day. I thought it funny how my grandparents go to bed at 730pm and wake at 4 or5. Now, I sleep at 6pm and wake up at 430am. By the end of the day, all of my energy has been transferred directly to the Cambodia sun.
Day 2: 31 March 2010 - Wednesday
Today was a crazy day. I woke at 6am, chatted online for a couple of hours, and then passed back out until the hotel clerk called me at 1115am, telling me to come downstairs because I had received a phone call. I walk downstairs in my leggings and a sweatshirt, hair a 'hot-mess' (as Court would say), to get the phone. It was Sonja telling me I needed to get up because check out was at noon. She picked me up 45 minutes later in her whatever-car-she-drives and we went to get some lunch at a local coffee shop (not even 24 hours into it and she already knew my coffee addiction). On the way, she surprised me with my new LG cell phone (Korea follows me everywhere I go). I wasn't expecting it, (none of the schools in Korea ever bought me a phone, WTH?) and was very thankful to get it.
After lunch (and a nice iced coffee with fresh milk), we went to my new apartment to sign the lease and so I could move my two bags and backpack into it. As we are driving, I'm looking at my map and she's telling me where we are going, I think I got things pretty much figured out for now. Well, I mean, within a 10 block radius. Anyway, we drive down my street, passing woman standing around chatting and kids playing barefoot, and park just shy of this humungo green building. Sonja says, "See this place? It's called Green Mansion." I said, "Wow, is that where my apartment is?" Sonja, "No, yours is next door." Briefly my hopes were shattered because I thought it would be great to tell everyone at home that was living in a mansion in Cambodia. Anyway, we enter though a tall gate, with security guards out front. Apparently they are very common in Phnom Penh, because they are in front of just about every establishment that I've seen so far. It doesn't seem like they do too much except for stare though. I meet my landlord, Mr. (I forgot), talk over the lease and then upstairs to finally see the place I'm going to call home for at least the next 15 months. My first impression??? WOW! This place is awesome. As you reach the landing of the third floor, you are immediately on my balcony. The balcony is quite large, and it also holds the hot water tank (I think that is what that big metal tank is) and my washing machine (which I share with my neighbors). I walk into a huge living room, with a desk, two chairs, coffee table and couch (minus the cushions, it's actually more like a wooden bench with arms and a back, nice wood work). Two huge sliding glass mirrors on the far back wall, directly across from the front door, hide my nicely sized closet. One through the door next to the mirrors takes you to the kitchen. Everything is spacious and clean. The bedroom and bathroom are through the kitchen. More than I could have ever asked for. I'm quite pleased, to say the least.
After taking a look around and dropping off my bags, we visited my school (more about that another day, I'm getting tired) and then headed for Lucky Super Market, just up the street a few blocks. I bought enough stuff to last me awhile. I saw lots of good food in the market, namely hot and spicy cheezits. (No, I didn't buy them. At this point anything from the USA is deemed a luxury that I cannot afford.) I ended the day unpacking and walking to the local internet cafe. I have to say, all in all, I think I'm going to be quite happy here. It feels like home, finally.
After lunch (and a nice iced coffee with fresh milk), we went to my new apartment to sign the lease and so I could move my two bags and backpack into it. As we are driving, I'm looking at my map and she's telling me where we are going, I think I got things pretty much figured out for now. Well, I mean, within a 10 block radius. Anyway, we drive down my street, passing woman standing around chatting and kids playing barefoot, and park just shy of this humungo green building. Sonja says, "See this place? It's called Green Mansion." I said, "Wow, is that where my apartment is?" Sonja, "No, yours is next door." Briefly my hopes were shattered because I thought it would be great to tell everyone at home that was living in a mansion in Cambodia. Anyway, we enter though a tall gate, with security guards out front. Apparently they are very common in Phnom Penh, because they are in front of just about every establishment that I've seen so far. It doesn't seem like they do too much except for stare though. I meet my landlord, Mr. (I forgot), talk over the lease and then upstairs to finally see the place I'm going to call home for at least the next 15 months. My first impression??? WOW! This place is awesome. As you reach the landing of the third floor, you are immediately on my balcony. The balcony is quite large, and it also holds the hot water tank (I think that is what that big metal tank is) and my washing machine (which I share with my neighbors). I walk into a huge living room, with a desk, two chairs, coffee table and couch (minus the cushions, it's actually more like a wooden bench with arms and a back, nice wood work). Two huge sliding glass mirrors on the far back wall, directly across from the front door, hide my nicely sized closet. One through the door next to the mirrors takes you to the kitchen. Everything is spacious and clean. The bedroom and bathroom are through the kitchen. More than I could have ever asked for. I'm quite pleased, to say the least.
After taking a look around and dropping off my bags, we visited my school (more about that another day, I'm getting tired) and then headed for Lucky Super Market, just up the street a few blocks. I bought enough stuff to last me awhile. I saw lots of good food in the market, namely hot and spicy cheezits. (No, I didn't buy them. At this point anything from the USA is deemed a luxury that I cannot afford.) I ended the day unpacking and walking to the local internet cafe. I have to say, all in all, I think I'm going to be quite happy here. It feels like home, finally.
Day One: Phnom Penh - 30 March 2010 - Tuesday Night
I arrived late last night into Phnom Penh international airport. I walked off the airplane into instant humidity and sweat on my forehead. After getting my visa and my luggage (which took forever, but I won't go into that), I walked out to find Sonja (principal of my school). Walking out of the airport into a hot crowd of Cambodians looking for loved ones, I immediately started looking for Sonja, but of course she was nowhere to be found. You would think it would be easy to find the pale face in a sea of Asians, but think again. Not being able to find her felt like I was walking out of Incheon Airport for the first time all over again, except this time I was sweating from the heat instead of freezing from the cold. After what seemed like forever (in reality, probably ten minutes) I walked over to the pay phone to call Sonja (with no idea how to use the phone or change to do so) but luckily she caught me right as I picked up the receiver.
She was extremely friendly and we got along instantly. She's probably in her early 30s, fair skin, short reddish-brown hair, glasses and a glimpse of freckles on her arms. She has been living in Cambodia for the past 13 years. She moved here as a missionary and eventually she and her husband (whom she met at church in Phnom Penh) saw a need for an elementary school, so they founded the school that I will now be teaching. The 2010 school year will be the fifth year that school has been open and they have now branched out to three locations. When they first opened they only taught preschool, now the school will have its first 6th grade class, starting next year. It's amazing what God can do through us.
Sonja's husband drove the school 'bus' (more like small van, Korean hagwan bus style, for all you ex-Korea people out there). By this time it was past 11pm, so the town was dark and desolate. From what I could see through the night, the capital city of Cambodia was a long way off from the tall glitzy buildings I was used to in downtown Seoul. It reminded me of Bangkok, with its rundown buildings and tuk-tuk's lining the streets. This didn't bother me in the least however; after all, I did decide to move to an under-developed country, so I didn't really expect to see Starbucks and Saks lining the streets. My main thought as we were driving to my hotel was where I could get free internet and a decent cup of coffee the next morning (but of course, we all know that at any point during the day I'm probably thinking of either checking my email or coffee or both).
She was extremely friendly and we got along instantly. She's probably in her early 30s, fair skin, short reddish-brown hair, glasses and a glimpse of freckles on her arms. She has been living in Cambodia for the past 13 years. She moved here as a missionary and eventually she and her husband (whom she met at church in Phnom Penh) saw a need for an elementary school, so they founded the school that I will now be teaching. The 2010 school year will be the fifth year that school has been open and they have now branched out to three locations. When they first opened they only taught preschool, now the school will have its first 6th grade class, starting next year. It's amazing what God can do through us.
Sonja's husband drove the school 'bus' (more like small van, Korean hagwan bus style, for all you ex-Korea people out there). By this time it was past 11pm, so the town was dark and desolate. From what I could see through the night, the capital city of Cambodia was a long way off from the tall glitzy buildings I was used to in downtown Seoul. It reminded me of Bangkok, with its rundown buildings and tuk-tuk's lining the streets. This didn't bother me in the least however; after all, I did decide to move to an under-developed country, so I didn't really expect to see Starbucks and Saks lining the streets. My main thought as we were driving to my hotel was where I could get free internet and a decent cup of coffee the next morning (but of course, we all know that at any point during the day I'm probably thinking of either checking my email or coffee or both).
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